My First Master, Marcus, was very big on the passing of Education from one member of the “Family Unit” to another. It was kind of expected, that if you know something, there is something of an obligation to teach those that dont know as much about it, in order for the Family “Unit” to work. Of course some people are better at some things than others, but Master Marcus did not want any “One Trick Pony’s” in His Household. I would teach those who didnt know things or as much about particular skills, and then they would teach me things I didnt know, or I would barter a service I was good at, in order to Learn a particular skill.

I am kind of the same within my own Leather Family, My Pup, Pakkun, is learning what it is like to be SIR to another, in Topping my boy “RudeBoy”.  Pakkun has been asking me, and learning about how to get things across clearly and concisely, how to learn to “read” where RudeBoy is emotionally – before,  during play, and afterwards. How to get the best from his new boy, and what it is like, from the “other end of the Leash”. In return, RudeBoy is also, both teaching and learning. Teaching Pakkun that he needs to be approached differently, and that not all boys are the same, but also learning from him. Rudeboy is learning that his Master, me, works differently to his Sir, Pakkun… and how to interact differently between the two.

Where I am going here, is that teaching is an exchange, I learn from the people attending my class, as well as teaching them. I have learned, in teaching different people, that to get the best out of people, everyone needs to be approached differently. I learn how to interact with more people, I learn more ideas, even on the things that I am teaching about, and I learn about the people within my community.

I will be teaching classes over the summer,  All of my classes, from Boot Erotics/Bootblacking right through to Water Torture and Interrogation. I will be posting class locations and prices here on my blog, and also, on Fetlife

I was going to be pushed, in many ways.. and I was to take it, or walk. I was to Control some of my anger reflexes, or it was done also.

This seems like a harsh thing, but from where I come from, and with the background I have, the stern harsh words, had 2 effects. I looked at my behaviour, from her Point of View, and saw myself lacking… I saw where she was coming from, and in all I had offered, I had not given that which I had repeatedly said I wanted. I also saw that which I needed. A high goal, to work towards… not set up to fail, but a good workable goal, with a consequence to my lack of control, upon occasion.

More things were said of course, which I will not share, but they are logged in my brain, seared in fire.

She stood, looking at me, guaging the effects the words had, watching me sink back onto my heels when things hurt, eyes glassy with tears. I was then told to stand, and wrapped arms around me, holding me tight.

This is the kind of hand I need.

I am a very lucky (PUSHED) bear.

I think about them, more and more… and it starts to take a hold in my brain. It starts as fear, and then, if I get to talk about it, think about it more it then grows to fear/confusion, there is still some reservation, but a confusion about why I like to think about it so much, Fear/arousal, then outright arousal when it is even mentioned..

 There is something at the moment that is scaring me in a total way. I am dreaming about it, and having both good/hot and totally fearful dreams.

 I love it… heh.

I had an amazing time with teaching classes (as always) and got some new classes out and about.  Having an opportunity to perform at Fetish Ball in NZ was fun too…Next year looks like a chance to get out and about more, teaching more classes OS, Got some other killer classes in the works,and Co-presenting opportunities as well. Look out for the “Breathless” class with MzAsha. WOOF! Also a “poly skills” class and some others….

I really enjoy presenting classes on skills I have, and then seeing people using those skills in their own play. The other weekend was a birthday party for someone dear, and at the close of the weekend I watched a friend of mine use a number of my Rough Body Work techniques. The submissive had an amazing time, from what I could see… and I certainly had a ball watching.

Speaking of watching, I spent quite a bit of time behind the lens this year, helping friends out with some fetish photography, This is one of my fave hobbies to do, and love the way my work is turning out at the moment… Hope to do more of that in the New Year as well!

I am thankful to the organisers who have helped me move my presenting stuff forward this year.

At the moment I am setting up a website, so people can get my availability, and a link to what classes I have.I’ll def link it here when it is finished.

Hooked up 5, pic by SJB

I had an idea, that came to me in a dream. I wanted to pull someone up using my body weight, I wanted to hold them in the air, the 2 hooks in my back, through my flesh, connected to them by rope, hooks, flesh and energy. It was a journey, and I know that word gets used a lot, but this was a journey for me, and I am incredibly lucky to have two such amazing people as Erinkyan and MzAsha with me on my quest.

I am learning that though this body is not what I wanted tit to be, it is Mine. It is strong, fairly relaible and serves me as well as it is able to. It may Have parts I dont want, and lack things that I do, but it is mine. I am built like a beast, a bear, a bull. I carry a lot on my shoulders and inside. This journey, this Pull, was my physical representation of that.

I was at a Hooked Up when I got a “spiritual knock”, a reminder that this is what I had wanted, and this was the people to do it for me. I looked around, surrounded by likeminded people, and I spoke to MzAsha about if she wanted to “Go Up” for me, to which she readily agreed.

I wanted to look for a good rigger, one I could trust with myself and my dear Friend. Erinkyan came to mind immediately. I had always liked his rope, the way his brain worked, and I felt that he would “get it”. His energy, his love and his ethos comes through in everything he does, and when he agreed it felt like things just “clicked”.

We had a run through, the Wednesday before the event, and I had a moment of fear, a moment where I did not trust my body, and I got quiet, and thoughtful. I did not trust in me, and spent quite some time in thought, debating on pulling out. I knew I was being silly, but I think that moment of fear I did have, was necessary for the final result.

Erinkyan was my ground, Solid, sure, Steady, His amazing energy kept us anchored, Centred and Safe. He understood what I needed and gave amazing, perfect suggestions and helped the big step.

MzAsha, Was also earth, but sky as well. Keeping an eye on my energy from above, wrapped in connecting energy in the rops that wrapped around her body, She volunteered herself, knowing me, knowing my energy to be wrapped in me, taken off the ground, to wait there, until I was done.

The hooks going in hurt, I wont lie, but compared to what I expected, they werent terrible.  I had a tremendous team of people around me, laughing at my growl, and keeping me centered. The walk back to Erinkyan and MzAsha was blurry, and after sorting out some energetic stuff that I was not clear on… I was ready….ish

My fear had me decide to try just lifting her in a chest harness first, to take MzAshas weight and see if I was being insane in my want to do this.  I counted to three, and when given the go ahead, stepped forward. I was scared.  I was sore, I felt the hooks pull through and lodge in place. I was pulling against myself, I was pulling against my body, my mind, my brain. I stepped back, content with how it felt… and ready to try lifting.

Awaiting Erinkyan to bind MzAsha for the suspension, I felt calm. I felt connected to the best team I know.

I turned around my back to MzAsha and Erinkyan, Kirby1024, Erinkyans boy, was now with us, being amazing help, holding my rope so the binding to it could happen without it jarring my hooks, I stepped forward, when told she was ready…. fear rushed in, pain, and I almost forgot why I was there. I took a big deep breath, focussed on the yellow dot next to my right foot and moved my feet under my center of gravity.. that is when I let go of the pain, and fear, I felt an energetic slap on the back.

This was not about being a masochist, or the need for pain. Walking/pulling forward did not hurt in that way. It hurt a bit deeper, a release of my body, allowing it to be what it is. understanding that I am who I am, and I am ok with that, That I am a beast of burden, and that is my job. I am a TransMan and this is my body, I am a journeyman spiritually and that I have to be ok with that, and stop fighting. I am a Bear, Teacher, Boy…   I heard somewhere in the back of my head, applause, and MzAsha telling my she was off the ground, and I am not sure whether I smiled.I was crying tears of happiness and relief in my head, but not sure any tears hit the ground.

I needed to get to all fours, I felt a pressure on my back pushing down. When I got down, I was not really physically there anymore…. for a while, that private conversation I had I will keep to myself, but when I called Erinkyan forward to see if I could pull MzAsha any further up, I was already done, and back in myself.. feeling the connection with the three of us.

I am so thankful to have done this pull, it was physically and emotionally an amazing experience for me.

Will I do it again, yes… absolutely.

I am indebted to the “Team of Awesome”

Hooked Up 5, Nov 2010

there is more to be written on this.. but it is not ready yet.

I am still working on what happened there, processing the differences in the scene, yet the similarities. I met some amazing people, had an amazing time, and the workshops went really well.

Christchurch is a very very pretty city, and whilst there we got to see the amazing Ron Mueck Exhibition at the art gallery, and go to Orana Park, and watch Lions be fed, and Wild Dogs also, the noises they make are amaaaaazing. There was still quite a bit of devastation from the large earthquake there, and whilst we were there, A number of aftershocks rocked the city again.

I totally recommend the Randolph Hotel on Papanui Road, Great rooms, well priced and very private.

“Humanimals” and “Breathless” classes went ahead with a small but enthusiastic turnout, though “Switch Me On” was pulled due to “unforseen circumstances”. I had a lot of fun, was asked some great questions, and hope to do more over there next year.

Humanimals: I love introducing people to Rexx, my dog side, particularly if it is not something they have seen before, he has a way of encouraging people to engage, and let go a little bit, to give hium scritches, and throw his toy… which is always fun…. though I have now learned it is hard to teach a class after-wards, and will have to factor that in, in future. Seeing different POVs from other Humanimals there and their need or not need for interaction with humans was cool too, having “Dicks” give their opinion was awesome, and I love having a discussion about stuff as a part of the class, seeing that other POVs that are not the presenters are ok.

Breathless, I love this workshop!! There is a lot of safety that is covered before we get to the nitty-gritty, and I love that about this class. We had someone who has paramedic training in the class, who said it was all spot on (which shows how much research was thrown into this) and even getting to learn stuff myself when presenting with another teacher…. was a relaxed discussion kind of class, with roundtable chat afterwards. Very chilled out after the Fetish Ball on the Saturday night.

The performance at Fetish Ball was a lot of fun, in the downstairs, “Dungeon Area”. We missed a lot of the upstairs performances on the main stage, but I got to see a little of Lukas and Satomi, and the upstairs BDSM crew doing their thing. I had a lot of fun learning that there is not much ability to breathe in the respirator as it fills with water, that it leaks quite a bit and is very scary when breathing out…and facing my fear of spiders (plastic or otherwise) was awesome.

New Zealand Scene is very “can do” lots of making their own toys, and a favourite of mine was the standing vac-bed that I think NZPython Made.

I hope to come back again to ChristChurch, some wicked perves over there.

WOOF!

Theme: Get Punked!!
Punk, Cyber-punk, Steampunk, Gothic punk or just Fetish with a Punk twist.
This years event marks 10 years of successful Fetish Balls in Christchurch – to celebrate, we’re pulling out all stops to make this one the best yet!
Two clubs, two zones, two different styles of music and performance. Mark this in your diary now and get your ticket early as this years Ball is guaranteed to sell out!

Two adjoining venues!

Concrete Club (The Dungeon) – 132 Manchester St
Double Happy (Uncommon Bonds area and Main Stage) – 182 Cashel St
(Entry to the Ball will be via the Cashel st entrance of Double Happy)
Doors open at 9pm

Featuring:
Satomi (Japan) - Rope Bondage
Lukas Zpira (France) in association with Absolution and Skindependant – Flesh Hook performance art
Uncommon Bonds - BDSM displays and tastings
The Magenta Diamond – Aerial shows and Burlesque
Dragon and Deviant Queen - S&M Edgeplay, including Ritualistic Needlework
Obi and Sinistre – Rope Suspension
Anastasia - Bellydance
Dod gy Rope Sensual Rope Tie
Plus special guests from Australia – TransBear, Dicks and MzAsha who will be doing Petplay, Bootblacking, Rough Body Work and Breathplay.
MC: Miss Mole

DJ’s
Sassafras
Jae K
Partygrl
Andy Pulzar
Skywalka
Tom
And more!!

……………………

What is your type?

What is hot for me?

I was recently asked a type, and sitting in a roomful of my “types” of all persuasions I thought some more. Butch, Ultra Femme, Faggot, Bear, Freak, All Gendered, Non Gendered, Trans, Trash, Filth, Pigs, Puppies, Cats, Princesses ,Whores, Geeks, Nerds, Boi/ys, Gi/rrls, Owned, Owners, Slaves and many more have all walked through my doors, and my through my beds. Some stayed as partners, many friends and some came and left, all puns intended. But no matter a label that these people came with, they all had similar traits…

My type has dedication, people who are them no matter what, no matter how hard it gets, who fucks with them, yells, spits, politicizes, defames, hates, attacks, and yet still wake up every morning and have a desire to put themselves together, fight another day for who they are. Or who they need to be for them…They need to be them, they need to wear their spike heels, combat boots, leathers, latex or fur in spite of everything that pushes them away, tells them not to be, they are dedicated to being them…

My Type, are intelligent people. I don’t by any means require a degree to get into bed (or I wouldn’t be able to get in there myself!!) I require smarts, street and otherwise, I need intelligence (I am not going to ask you your theory on gender binaries and how to quash them on a first date… well I probably will) I need someone who can keep up with me, and actually teach me a thing or two. As learning and teaching things about life is important to me. These people will teach workshops on their love of choice whether rope bondage, head fucks, IT stuff, everything down to mythological stuff. They love their intelligence and don’t hide it, and demand a large proportion of the people they surround themselves with are as well..

My type are sexual, in their interactions and their lifestyle, some in their profession and are damn proud of that sexuality…I am a sexual man, I am a perverted sexual man, and whilst I try not to be, I am an outrageous flirt, and those that can bring me to my knees (for lack of a better term) win in my eyes,

My Type, are perverted. They are interested in pushing boundaries sexually or have fetishes and make no bones about them or apologies. I love that My Type are people who have explored themselves and others enough to realise that their fetishes aren’t sick and depraved and are just plain ok with that.

My type, are extreme, in someway shape of form, comforting the disturbed and disturbing the comfortable. They push themselves and others, into opening their minds to new things, look at new ways to skin a cat, or themselves and push the envelope, boundaries and barriers that bit further.

My type, are teachers, and students, of life and each other.

My Type are not going to tell me what I can and cant be, they are exceptions the “rules” as laid out by whomever laid them out. They stand by me, no matter if I want to have furry bear chaps, be a Tom Of Finland ideal or even, if I decided to be back to being female, something I would never do, they would shake their head, and tell me they care about me, no matter who or what I am, man, woman or bear.

My Type, are mostly modified in their bodies or minds. They have learned, lived and loved and actually modified themselves upon their beliefs. Physical markers of that journey are hot to me, tatts, piercings and especially scars are amazingly sexy to me, spiritually modified people, ridden, wiccan, pagan, and alternative religions are all ways of modification that get me hot…

My type, are fighters, not necessarily physical fighting, though some are, but definitely politically, for social change and giving us all an equal opportunity to be whatever it is we are.

My Type, are alternative to the “NORMAL” they are people who others think are freaks, odd, weird, strange, not like the others, these people make me comfortable in my own skin as they are in theirs.

These people make me a better person. They teach me, help me to grow and become my own type. I learn to appreciate people, in all their guises, I learn to become more at one with my alternativeness

So if you look at the people I find truly hot, and those I surround myself a huge proportion of them have most if not all of these amazing qualities. That includes you…

This “Dog space” is not a new thing for me. When I was very young, I remember growling at people I didn’t know very well in my personal space, literally growling. I had a dog that was my best friend, and I always felt that he and I got along better than I got along with most humans people. It is a comfortable space for me, the lack of a need to speak, I can take off my glasses and not have to rely upon my eyes. I can enjoy touch, which is usually an issue for me, as it is pleasurable and not something threatening. Listening to the tone of someone’s voice, and not necessarily what they are saying if it doesn’t pertain to me. I get to be playful, hang out, snuggling around the feet of the person I am pup to, or at least curl up nearby and just watch what is going on.

I have had dogs, both Humanimal and Animal for a lot of my life. I like the sheer enjoyment that I can see in the eyes of my Humanimal dog, when playing with other pups,  canine or otherwise, or just hanging out with me, curled up watching tv. I also like cats, big cats, kittens, ponies, work horses and other animals. I have spent a lot of time with these people in and out of their animal guises. I feel there is something very honest about people in their animal spaces, which is different to humans being animals, if that makes sense.

Being a pup/dog/Humanimal is NOT the same as being a submissive or slave, though some Humanimals have that a part of their make-up as well. I.E there are submissive dogs just as there are submissive people. I am not interested in taking orders from anyone else other than the person who is my keeper. I will not answer back with a “yes SIR or Yes Ma’am” as I don’t have a voice, unless seriously needed, and that takes a lot of work.

Animals have different “ranks” and different ways of interacting with each other and others. I am an Alpha Dog, when it comes to other dogs, I will try to dominate them, take the toys, eat the most food, push them around and establish my territory. Dependant upon the Human I meet, I may do the same thing. I have been known to wrestle humans down, and chew on them.

I am spending more time in “Rexx Space” out and about more these days, as well as hanging out with more Humanimals. If you see me out, on paws and knees, with a good friend as my keeper, introduce yourself to me as you would any dog… and don’t forget to scritch my ears. **grin** Other pups/dogs and animals, come say Woof, Miaow, Neigh, Roar, tweet, or whatever your voice is. I would LOVE to meetcha, to hang out, or if you are looking for play, either be your keeper, or an ear to chat to.